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It has been 6 tough months in 2024, probably the most challenging year since I graduated. This month has been particularly interesting because I've created my portfolio, showing my work and past projects. On the other hand, I realized my job search is stagnant, so I will take a break from LinkedIn and projects. Instead, I will focus on the next scholarship, the DAAD. I need to gather the required information and complete the forms to apply, I think I can submit my application early in August. This month I solved my debts and finally acquired a monitor, I bought it from a friend. It has been one of my useful acquisitions by far, now I finally can work on a big screen and avoid visual fatigue. Regarding my skin condition, it is under control. Since the last flare-up, my eczema has progressed well. I am still following the medical treatment. About taking my IELTS, after thinking of retaking the test I decided to wait until it expires, meanwhile, I will continue to practice my skills. ...

You can think all of this is either luck or a curse, that time is ticking and opportunities just vanish, that I’ve already lived the best moments in my life or just I didn't take advantage of them. After pursuing many things before I considered priorities in my life, now I realize it is OK not to accomplish everything I expected. Over the years, I attempted to get my life in order and become a functional adult, but after coming and going I've failed. Maybe winning is not for me, but when I want to give up, there is something that motivates me to try one last time, and then the history repeats over and over again. This daydreamer is used to fail more times than I remember, after 5 years each rejection hurts less. I've seen my friends, family, and job mates being successful, reaching goals and even winning this unfair game of life. Anyway, it doesn't bother me at all, I'm happy of seeing them accomplish their dreams. Now another chance is coming, the DAAD scholarship ...

This month started without notice, and now I think we are in the middle of the year. Everything seems to pass so fast, I am surprised all lived until now. During this year, I received a payment for a past job I did, it was not so much, but it was enough to cover some expenditures and debts. I had to prioritize some bills, cover one or two grocery expenses, and of course my medical bills and treatments. While all of these happened, I could organize a good workspace, acquire some stuff to enhance my productivity and at the same embellish my bedroom and home. As a result of all of these, over the weeks my bank account was shrinking, but I was not worrying about it. I mean, it was unfortunate all the treatments and bills I had to pay, but at least I could afford it (with help from my family). But I had two remaining payments. The first one was the screen I bought from a friend, it was a second-hand purchase, but I have to admit, it skyrocketed my productivity and work comfort. In the begin...

 Today, after discussing with my mother, I've considered taking the IELTS exam as soon as possible. All of this happened when she mentioned I am currently in a critical moment in my life. (I know) I'm closer to my 30s than ever before, and the worst part is that during this time I couldn't feel fulfilled about my career and overall life. It is not my fault or anyone else's, the situation here has been critical, the lack of opportunities and the scarcity is common in people under 30 or below. With this bad panorama is precise thinking again in a scape from here. My only alternative is to take the IELTS again and reach a C1 level and then apply for a scholarship or migrate from here. So I will start to put my effort into achieving this goal, programming can wait, meanwhile, I'll be mastering my English and looking for scholarships or abroad jobs. My 30s gift will be to get out of here, for once and for all. S.

I doubted whether writing down about this would be a good idea, or better just to let it pass. I decided to write about it one last time. A year ago, I decided to resign from what would be my last formal job, back then in 2023 I suffered burnout as a consequence of the stress and anxiety mostly from my job and my agitated routine.  In the beginning, I had a couple of weeks to think about it, over the days the doubts and insecurities rounded my head, and I had many thoughts of regrets and ideas that made me feel doubtful about the decision I was taking. Truth be told, I was tired, and I needed a deep breath far away from that environment, I decided to say goodbye and retake my career from scratch again.  It hasn't been easy, there were many days when I regretted my judgment, and others made me wonder about my career and life. Thoughts can be a double-edge-sword if you can't handle them accurately. Although these bad days, I enjoyed being in my home and retaking control of my li...